Hello, Negro

It’s season 7 and exploitation comes to mind as I’m watching the American Idol auditions that took place in Philly this summer. I can’t believe how people who watch the show, and love it enough to want to tryout don’t understand that the producers are just looking for people who are awful. They want the non-singers, the funny looking folks, and the “freaks”. People that the general public has no problem laughing at and making fun of. These are the people who will be on the worst of the worst recap show. They will show up in your email inbox during the course of the next few weeks in the form of .mpg files, downloads, and Youtube links.

Here is my recap.

Mr. Mushmouth – Sorry, I don’t remember this guy’s name. I started watching at this point in the show. “Go Down Moses”…that’s not a pop song. Big mustard yellow mess. This is exactly why you shouldn’t tell people who can’t sing that they can. Sometimes you just shouldn’t try to be nice, you should try to be truthful. There is still hope for him though, Just look at Tay Zonday!

Crickets – I love this guy. I know he only came on the show to show the world his amazing “cricket sound” talent. Brilliant. He’ll be all over the late night talk show circuit.

“I’m going to sing I Ain’t Goin Nowhere” – Poor, poor Temptress. Oh, I was so hoping that she could sing. I thought I might have some hope when she said she was singing “the” song from Dreamgirls (And I Am Telling You). A big woman made the song famous so it’s an appropriate song, huh? Her poor sick, morbidly obese mother was there to support her. Sigh, but she can’t sing. Thank God the judges had pity on her. It’s going to be hard being that big and having been humiliated on national television. OH, I can just imagine what the kids at school are going to say tomorrow. I just hope they have some mercy. She plays football so, if they tease her maybe she’ll beat their a**es.

“Be Victorious” – A rock and roll crazy girl living in a studio apartment in Allentown, PA with her mom and 2 cats…that’s Alexis Cohen. 23 year old college student studying to be a vet, and she should keep studying. She says she sounds like Janice Joplin…uh, no. I can understand how she might think that. Janice was loud and raw, and so is Alexis. She didn’t sound horrible singing “Somebody to Love”. The judges suggest a Jefferson Airplane cover band, and to that Alexis says “Very, very bad words.” The judges also say she reminds them of the green goblin after she leaves. “I’m going for actressing.”, she says. LOL!! I don’t understand why she was so mad at Simon. The other judges didn’t like her either. She’s came off like someone that might stalk Simon in the future. He should get her SSN, give her photo to his security guards…etc. I just think she needs to take her meds and she’ll be just fine.

De-Weddingize – Angela Martin from Chitown. Her daughter has Retts syndrome, an awful debilitating disease. It was so good to see the support she has around her. She just wants to get her child the best care, and that is a TRUE MOTHER’S wishes! God bless her! I was praying she could sing, and she CAN. “Signed, Sealed, and Delivered” straight to Hollywood. Best black family celebration on American Idol so far. LOL

The Nightmare – Alysse, tiny little girl…you shouldn’t note Lauryn Hill as an inspiration. Loud!

No Sex Allowed – Milo, is a Social Worker and singer/songwriter…and 39 years old so he can’t actually be considered anyway. The vest…leopard vest…priceless. “Sex is weak and love is strong!” This bamma is made for YouTube. Good clean music for the young people.

Amazing Grace – Christy is a tough girl. She grew up in a log cabin in Orgeon. She buys and sells horses…$$$. Sounds like she might look a little hard, tough…nope. Pretty girl…I pretty much knew how this was going to go. I smell an Action Movie Star in the making. She would do well in Country. AI did pretty well with Carrie, but would the second time be a charm…I don’t know.

Man with a Cape – Um…this is not funny. Detailed, but not funny. This is just sad. “Can I wax it and come back?” You know this is reality TV when do you draw the line?? More on this guy later.

From sea to shining sea – Shakeina…or something spelled like that. She’s got range, but no control. Gold lame and a white feather boa is never a good choice. She’s going to be the talk of the neighborhood.

**Funny montage of cussing**

“…Peter Faulk…her?!?!- Paul sang a creepy love song for Paula. Can you say stalker? Paul…you are a stalker. “Broke into her house…tried on her underwear.” Paula should just call the police now. He gave Simon “the shut up” finger. She should be afraid. That wasn’t funny…that was scary.

Another Stalker – Beth and her sunday school songs. Oh, how sweet! Very smooth and 50’s-ish Lounge singer, alto sound. I think she just made a bad choice of song. She’ll have to get with the pop music when she gets to Hollywood.

**Um…that boy getting waxed…I didn’t need to see that. Why didn’t they cut that bush down before waxing him. Dayum!**

Ben aka Leia-boy – He tookoff all his body hair so Paula would not be distracted…you gotta love it. Don’t you wish your girlfriend…oh wait you can’t possibly have girlfriend. That had to hurt. What some people will do to be on TV…sad.

Blonde Dredlocs – I love Gary Dourdan so I was happy to see his look-a-like made it out to audition. Chris Watson is very very pretty. Love the locs. Can you say cheekbones? An Uncle Cracker song…I would have chose something different but he’s good. Simon said he looks like a star. “Pretty Ricky’s what they called him” I know the people who run the show just see $$$ when they see this kid.

Don’t hurt em’ Princess Leia – Christina wanted the judges to feel the force. She’s just trying to escape her destiny as a correction officer. Why does she keep looking at her nose? “Men love me!” Oh, this girl is a true-trekkie!!! It’s kinda scary to see a 24 year old acting like this and wearing a Star Wars belt buckle. She doesn’t have a bad voice, she just has no confidence and is making faces when she sings. Her grandparents were there to console her. She was still hating at the end of the show. Why give the show ammunition??

Nanny Do Right – Brooke White from CA can sang. Simon…he likey likey. I was like “Down Boy!”. She’s so pure, never seen a rated R movie, no drinking and smoking (can’t sing). Simon is not going to corrupt this girl, she’s married. Corrine Bailey Rae was a great choice for her. Very angelic voice, pure. Don’t let the darkside get you girl.

29 made to through…congrats to them. OH, where are the writers when you need them? OH yeah, on strike letting reality TV take over. Can you say “Backfired!!!”? I can.