Awwww men, sorry for saying this, i know beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but men, you gatta admit that the chiqs who receive the most attenshun are the prettiest, (outward beauty) while those who dont usually are the ones who complain that they are not noticed.

I have a word of advise to these ones, please approach men more often, that way we will know that you are around.

(a) I live in a big city in East africa, and what i know is that 1. The story line about God chosing for you your mate is pure fantasy, it has no precedent either in the Bible or anywhere else and it just goes to show that people are unwilling/incapable of making a choice and taking responsibility for their choices. People want to put all the responsibility on God, incase something goes wrong. But God cannot violate my freewill by making me (unknowingly/knowingly) chose you. If as a guy i look at you (lady) and see a hanging stomach, believe me, no matter of prayer will make me look at you twice.

And thats what ails the black woman today, she is either a church mouse, asking God to “drop her man from heaven” or on the other extreme end “a gold-digga’

The woman of today doesnt have values, its all just about clothes and more cothes and and salon, some very superficial stuff. Even at 30years old, some women are still actin like 14year old gals.

This means, the black woman cannot transmit values, coz her behaviour is exactly the same as her small sisters. She doesnt want to be told that her behaviour is wack.

Lawd help us.

I’ll give my perspective on the dating situation of Black women. I live in one of the areas of the world most hostile to us: the middle east. Here, not only are people racially polarized, but religiously as well. It would be very easy for me, living where I live in Haifa, Israel, to say that the world either hates us or thinks of us all as whores…but there’s another side to that.

People like the so-called “real deal” and others like him, are what I like to refer to as sheeple. They buy whatever scam they’re sold on television, and the world is full of people like that. It’s full of people like that because of our “civilizations” being overly merciful to weak people, and no longer have the social structures with rites of passage that would eliminate and/or isolate them before their diseased mentalities could weaken mankind in general.

My sisters, think of the big picture. The rejection that you are experiencing is a symptom of a global problem. If you will overcome it, you must think like an African living on the planet Earth, and not like a “nigger” living in planet Hollywood.

If you do, you’ll realize that this world has been screwed up for a good long time, and that it will take us as many thousands of years to recover as a species, as it did to get into this mess.

You and I, Black women, just happen to be the opposite of what is popularly promoted as feminine by a media that is designed to cater to the weakest and lowest of humanity. The emaciated, infertile, underdeveloped whore is touted as ideal for exactly the same reason there is a warning not to spill the hot coffee you buy from a fast food place, onto your lap. Stupid people are the majority, and they are where the big money is.

People pay to be lied to, and to be made to feel as if what they are and what they have can’t be good enough. They need to buy something to make themselves better, and don’t have the good sense to test it against reality first.

You and I, Black women are the strongest women in the world. We are the healthiest and most beautiful, and have survived countless wars, exploitations, and epidemics. It is an African woman in some obscure village, who may even hold the key in her genes, to overcoming one of the most fearsome viruses of our time, HIV.

We are awesome.

As the strongest, it does not behoove us to complain that others cannot stand to gaze at the brightness in our collective souls. Do not, for a moment, concern yourself as more than a curious phenomenon, those who reject you. Instead, turn your attention to the ones who embrace you.

If one man will not have you, there is certainly another who will. If Black men in the U.S. don’t want you, certainly there are many African men who do. I understand they get a bad rap because of some of the bad ones, but there are a great many good ones who have overcome hardships that will remind you of the strength of your fathers and grandfathers. Indeed, they are more likely to be the sort who, in a crisis, could and would stand shoulder to shoulder with your father.

Not to mention, men of other ethnicities who have experienced similar trials. I’ll tell you a little secret about them: They view strong Black women as the epitome of beauty and femininity…because some of their mothers and grandmothers marched and fought oppressive governments, and carried their babies through treacherous territories, and their wounded soldiers through the crossfire.

There are more ways to be Black than having African ancestors in one’s recent history.

Think outside of the box. You are not limited in your options. There’s a whole world out here that you now have access to, since you have internet. Come outside in the sun.

“Love can be colorblind”… this is true. It’s not inherent.

Is it true?

The fact that Black Men were even divorced from the question is both obvious and telling evidence as to the problem!

So I’d have to say: unfortunately, yes. We…both Black women and men…are destined to be single in large measure.

On a very basic level, it is difficult to marry someone that you don’t respect or appreciate. Furthermore, it is difficult to marry someone that doesn’t respect or appreciate you.

All too often…in word, deed and action; overtly, covertly…we continue to prove that we hate each other and ourselves as a people.

This reality fuels and further continues our decline which will lead to our extinction.

It amazes me that absent of physical slavery, we are more destructively bound by the mental, psychological and emotional forms.

We have conveniently forgotten that there was a time when a Black Woman (a slave), prayed for a way that a Black Man (also a slave), could be her partner and she his. To be Partners: bonded through the most horrific, tenuous life circumstances imaginable. Those who forget are
destined to repeat such circumstances…

Both the current process of socialization of our people and its manifestation is insidious as well as clearly effective.

The question is by whose design, to suit whose purpose and promoted by whom?

Let’s think for a moment and ask some basic questions:

Who would wish for (and benefit from) us to be destructively divided and hopeless and hopeless as a people…to serve as a perpetual underclass?

Hmmm…

Who has dramatically increased the means and power to shape minds collectively and massively through the media (socialization) throughout the past 6 decades?

Hmmm…

Why have our communities, institutions, families and marriages declined rapidly to the point of failure over this same period?

Worse yet: why is it with all of the supposed gains …”economically” and “educationally…by Black folks, that we have lost our understanding and perspective. That the circumstances of our place in this society were dictated to us by slavery: our collective past, and that this must be overcome in all forms.

We need to address and correct our collective ignorance immediately! It’s plain to see that as a people and as individuals whether we are “educated” or not, that we need to break the grip and cycle of destructive socialization upon our people. Of our adults and most importantly, of our children…

As Black people, we must create our own salvation as well as therapy for each other and stop the shameless damnation of one another! Furthermore, we need to realize that to do so is in our own best interest and that only we can heal each other effectively.

Brothers and Sisters: it just is not cute, wise or in our interest to demean each other…publicly or privately. How can it be? Yet it is curious that we thrive on doing so. We need solutions and real leaders, not “chest-beaters”.

We are so out of touch with each other and ourselves that earning all of the money, titles and PHDs on the planet will not assist us until we grip the reality that we actually need each other and actually need to assist one another…lest we continue dying a slow death.

As individuals, let’s start simply by finding some way to help (our) people, institutions, families and relationships better…stronger…in some small way each day. Make and keep this as a daily commitment.

We need less self-glorification and more teamwork: in our lives, communities, families and relationships. Persons that are dutifully committed to the interest of the greater good of healing our people through the manifestations of their life.

Does anyone see this?

Comebackgirl, Dreamlife, Akilah:
You’ve all made some great points!
Much love to you: there’s hope eternal…

Male or female, we all need introspection to know (or care) whether we are a “killer” or a “healer”; a “polluter” or a “cleaner” in our grand battle as Black People, by the result of your life’s will, words, decisions, actions and deeds.

Without introspection, it is impossible for any of us to make sound, conscious, willful and effective decisions: those ones that will ultimately guide our actions.

I believe that as a people we need far more introspection to become successful. This includes us all: Black Men, Women, Boys and Girls alike.
We simply cannot afford to be “clueless” and ignorant: whether educated or not, wealthy or not!

It seems that too often these days we are content to accept as well as adopt self-destructive values and views without question of origin or consequence. The resulting unfortunate reality is that we continue to kill each other (and ourselves) literally and figuratively by doing so.

A big part of the problem in this society is that the definition of “good” is both obscured and diluted for most people.

Growing from boyhood and raised to become a conscious black man, a main priority in my life has been to provide for the physical, emotional, spiritual and financial well-being of my family. There have been circumstances where I’ve struggled with the latter, but the first three are ultimately achievable. I’ve realized that more than any other achievement, this is the most important gift…and will be the basis of my legacy.

Unfortunately, I’ve never been married and don’t have any children. In my mid 40′s, I find it as difficult to find a “compatible” woman as the same women that say they are having finding a “compatible” man.

The difference for me is that there are very few such prospects due to an overwhelming lack of reality or introspection in women these days.

Almost regardless of educational background, the blurring of gender roles and socialization of Black woman have proven to be an insurmountable barrier if not a challenge to mutual acceptance and true intimacy between Black Males and Females.

Because the roles of women have changed (and expanded) far more drastically than have those of men over the past 6 decades, there is a gap that must be understood and negotiated by all parties.

As a Black man, I’m more than capable of and willing to do much! I can handle and welcome this expectation. What I cannot handle is the demand to be “perfect”: to be the “whipping boy” for those Black females that “have to have it all” in the quest for their perfect fantasy life. The ones that play: “find a flaw” and then in the absence of one “create a flaw”. Those ones that are so strongly, blindly selfish that they’ve made it impossible to be a gentleman…or even a real “man”…because they “have it all covered”.

As heinous as it sounds, I like to see a day where men once again open doors, assist with coats, protect their women, as well as head their families…as a standard. That the “role” of men to do manly things once again be upheld, embraced and appreciated.

The sad part of this society and especially in the Black community is that there just seems to be an imbalance. There is too much “male”! There are so many women trying to be “male” that their leaves no room or place for the male…or the man’s responsibility in the community.

All the while, their is far too little “female”! We need the undeniable, inherent and true power of the “female” to balance and nurture us…yet it has been abandoned: deemed to be a weaker quality by too many women.

It is horrible now: there seems to be no “women”, and “men” don’t even know what to do, when and if they’re willing. There is no unity, teamwork, harmony or nurturing of our people: adults or our children…

The responsibility that needs to be shared by all has been replaced by self-aggrandizement and the selfish chase for personal “glory”.

We are all at fault! Everyone is basically on their own, there’s no sharing of skills or nature, no collectivity…and we’re all obviously weaker for it.

Despite the “front”…

We need to come together as individuals and work out the details: out roles, our tasks, our jobs, our contributions. Then we need to be the best “Man” or “Woman” that we can be to each other, whatever that may be!

Peace to all: thanks for the dialog…
Lefty

Just like this convrsation has shown–while Black women are talking about the lack of good women, Black women are talking about the lack of good men.

I know a lot of good Black men and I know a lot of trifling Black women. In fact, I know more “good” Black men than “good” Black women.

Of course we all have our opinions of what “good” is.

I mean black people hello…this is what we need to be talking about. Even excluding a man, I want to be better just because self-examination is the spice of life. I want to be a better person than I was yesterday not just for a black man but for me. For the growth lessons.

Lets not forget Socrates who said: the unexamined life is not worth living.

And I don;t think he was talking about examination to get a black man to love you.